A New Year, A New Me

"Each of us has something to give that no one else has.  Envy has no place in one who appreciates their own uniqueness and self worth."
-Unknown

All my life I've never really spoke up for myself. A little into last year and so on, I started to say what I was thinking.  I was always scared of what someone may think of me, if I spoke exactly what I was feeling. Now that I'm in my mid 20s, I think it's time out for that shy girl thing.

If I want to say something I will. I can't help if individuals get my expression of my feelings mixed up with me being insecure or pessimistic. I've gotten to the point where I don't care what people think of me.  I'm beginning to learn who I am. I'm in no way trying to please everybody. That's impossible. People are going to have an opinion of you no matter what--whether you're doing good, bad, in between or you're gone.

I'm in no way going to disrespect anyone. I try to respect individuals feelings and opinions and present myself in a friendly manner. I'm a very compassionate person and I have a big heart. I'm just tired of people taking my kindness for weakness.

I've been in some situations where I've said and done things that were wrong. I'm learning from those mistakes. I can't take back tomorrow, I can only live in today.  I love my life and the new life that's ahead of me. I have accomplished many goals. I've turned trials into triumphs. I defied most stereotypes. I went from having nothing to something. I've succeeded. I'm confident and optimistic. I've always believed that things will work out...and they always do.

MOVIE NIGHT WITH THE HUBBY

Me and my fiance went to see the movie The Vow. Yeah he was a good sport because it's a chick flick and he didn't complain he just went. The movie is about a couple who's madly in love. They were inseparable. An accident happened that made his wife lose her memory and forget her life with him. It was a very touching movie and it got me to thinking -- what if that happened to me and I couldn't remember all of the great moments I've shared with my significant other. It would also break my heart if he couldn't remember me.

I think that's a thing a lot of us  take for granted...memories. We spend half of the times trying to forget the past and bad things. How about we quit focusing on the bad and only remember the good? One day those special moments that we cherish the most could end up lost forever in our mind's museum of memories. Life is about those moments that takes our breath away, that blows our mind, that leaves us in awe, that makes us love and feel loved.

FACEBOOK and FALLOUTS

Okay, so I had an incident on facebook to happen with an old acquantance of mine. She's one of those types who plays like she's just a really nice person and she never does anyone wrong. Hanging out with her was fun sometimes but I got tired of her wanting everything her way OR NO WAY. We fell out after I took a trip with her to Georgia. We started talking again after she messaged me on Facebook out of the blue one day.  Anyway, to get to the point, she thought I'd be embarrassed because I messaged her on Facebook. I feel that it's stupid now that I look back on it. But as long as I've been knowing her, I've always bit my tongue. So I just said what I felt. Below is what I said:

I think it's stupid that you added me as a friend on facebook and then you blocked me or deleted me. You first contacted me when you were getting married. I don't know if you thought i'd be jealous or what. But I really don't care. I just had to say something about that. Why contact me in the first place? I don't see your point. Don't contact me again out the blue for future references."

Okay, so I sent her this message because we were messaging back and forth. I told her that I was engaged and we where discussing wedding stuff and other problems. She stopped messaging me. I was checking my emails and you can see every email you've ever received. I noticed her pic wasnt there, so I was just gonna message her again. I noticed that I couldn't and that's why I sent her that email.

Now to me it's like she emailed all the time when she was engaged and discussing wedding plans. And it seems like when I said that I was engaged that she all of a sudden stopped talking. It seems to me that she wanted me to be jealous about her getting married, why else would she OUT OF THE BLUE email me? I've never been jealous of any of my friends or acquaintance. I've always wished them the best and gave them advice.

She responded to my message and so called tryed to put me in my place. She talked about I was stalking her page and trying to compete with her and that I had low self-esteem. She also said that I needed to get a life.

I think that was stupid because if you are talking to someone and you're emailing back and forth, that's natural to respond to someone who you feel is all of a sudden ignoring you. It's not about self esteem issues. I've never had self-esteem problems and never tried to compete with anybody.

I'm not the type of person who lives on the cyber world. I check my emails and then go do what I have to do. I'm a writer and I spend most of my time writing. If she feels that my life revolves around hers then she's an idiot for thinking so. She's always felt that she was right and everyone else is stupid or in the wrong. She loves to voice her opinion and what she feels but everyone else who does so shouldn't.  That's why we've fell out more than once. I care not to be around individuals like her.

Facebook is partially to blame for this stupid issue that occured. It's a waste of time and energy.

Friends...

I was once told that the people who are friends with you when you're younger, will nine times out of ten not be your friend when you're older.  I soon learned how true that statement is. Friendships are hard to hold onto.

There can be a lot of barriers that challenge friendships. When we grow up, life changes, so do we and our responsibilities. Maybe you grow apart or you begin to see that individual in another light.

From my childhood, I am still friends with maybe two people. A few were bad influences, some were controlling and with some I realized we had nothing in common. I feel when a person is a TRUE friend they stick with you no matter what. It's one person in particular that I feel is my true friend. We could skip calling each other for months and when we pick back up...it's like we never missed a beat. She never judges me and she understands me and I'm thankful for that.

Support Is The Main Issue

Lately, I've been in an emotional funk. It's hard to be excited when it feels like everyone around you are not supportive. I'm getting married this year. Plenty people (I'm not saying anyone's name) are either against the wedding or just don't care in general. What happened to life being a replica of a movie scene? You know when someone announces their engagement and the cued music begins and everyone's happy and they show the bride being pampered and shopping for her dress. It's already a stressful event but when you have people to add on it sucks. I just feel whoever makes it to the wedding are the ones who were supposed to be there.

No Black Brides...

I'm sick of seeing wedding magazine's and advertisements featuring only white women. I have nothing against white people and NO, I'm not a racist. If it were the opposite, wouldn't you feel the same? Very seldomly do you see a black bride on a wedding mag. If you think I'm lying go to google image search and type in bridal magazine. It's like they are saying that black women (any ethnic women in this case) don't get married. What are we, loose and promiscuous?

I don't know if it's descrimination or if it's just a coincidence but, I'd like to see other shades of brides on magazines. Everyone speaks about how things are equal and how we are always trying to pull that "black card," but in this case...come on. We all see it but nobody wants to talk about it. It's one of those underlying issues everybody just chooses to ignore. I recently discovered a magazine called BridesNoir.

Why is there a separate magazine JUST to feature ethnic brides? That's stupid.  Everything is always separated -- from networks to clothing lines. I'm just sick of it.